she's pure as new york snow

2009-07-23T17:52:00.001-04:00

six Kashi TLC fruit and grain bars: 720
box of strawberries: 150

Total: 870 calories

Gym time: 2 hours, swimming.

I. Am. Exhausted. But I have to think about the goal--looking fantastic in Aruba--and I need to keep going! Just two weeks until the final countdown!

I really hope today and the 3.5 hour of gym time is enough atonement for yesterday's weird binge. Hopefully, the weekend will fare better, and I won't have to resort to drastic live-in-the-gym moments anymore.

My week has been dragging and filled with mishaps. Perhaps next week will be more uplifting.

2009-07-23T09:18:00.002-04:00

YESTERDAY:

I started out well enough. I had rice and vegetables, and watermelon afterwards. I think I have a bad habit of eating it all in one sitting and thinking I won't be hungry later on. In my case, I seem to want to graze every three or four hours. That means I need to split up my breakfast, a la don't eat so heavily in the morning and increase what I eat later on.

See, what ended up happening was that I got really antsy and went to the local Starbucks to eat a quiche and peanut butter cookie. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I topped it off with an Oreo cheesecake from a nearby pastry place. IDK why I keep going back there, because I don't like it. I think all of their food is dry and generally not as tasty. Maybe it's because I'm not used to such an incredibly large amount of dairy products being passed through my body that day, but I literally felt sick after the cheesecake.

Then a huge wave of guilt hit me, and I ended up going to the gym for 3.5 hours. Ran for 30 minutes, walked for 30 minutes, did the Stairmaster for 24 minutes, did crunches and lifted weights for another 15 minutes, and then went swimming for 1 hour and 45 minutes. I must have burned at least 1400 calories... or 1600? IDK. So hopefully that lowered the damage.

We'll see how today goes.

2009-07-21T20:08:00.000-04:00

rice vegetable - 840
half a watermelon - 677.5

Total: 1517.5 calories

Gym time: 1 hour

NOOOOOO OVER MY CALORIE LIMIT OVER MY CALORIE LIMIT

On my bright side: I was full all day, and I stayed far away from chocolate. I need to calm down because I'm going to have to pee the watermelon out anyway. And as for the rice-vegetable thing? It was fantastic. I just wish it didn't taste like soap.

Ugh, I'm in a bad mood now. I'm going to hole myself up in my room and do my orgo lab report now.

2009-07-20T21:09:00.001-04:00

three chocolate bars - 330
three boxes of strawberries - 450
candy at MCAT - 230
salad thing - 265

Total - 1275 calories

Gym time - 1 hour

IDK how I feel about the two pounds of strawberries being 300 calories. I read differing opinions, from 150 to 250. If it's the former, then it's 860 calories. If it's the latter, then it's 1060. Either way, there is way too much refined sugar in my diet. I thought I could handle some chocolate, but it turns out I am unable to help myself. On the bright side, I was not too hungry today. IDGI. Stupid metabolism. Either way, going to the gym felt great. I wasn't going to go originally because it was raining, and I get really tired, but my super skinny friend called me and told me about how she got toned and fit, and I was like, "GOTTA GO."

She's such a great motivation. :)

I plan to keep this up (sans the sugar) for the rest of the week. Let's see how this goes!

Tomorrow morning: gym. And then gym again. COME ON, I CAN DO THIS.

2009-07-19T22:02:00.001-04:00

3 cookies - 270
chicken - 260
chicken/mushroom/tomatoes - 245
CHOCOLATE - 280
MOAR CHOCOLATE - 100

Total - 1155 calories.

No gym time, though. :( Must get started on that. I would like to take the time to tell Mrs. Somers off for saying I can never have anything with sugar or honey in it. It slays me, it really does.

2009-07-18T11:13:00.003-04:00

egg-chicken-mushroom-tomato-pepper combo - 470
2 muffins - 380

Total: 850 calories

EDIT: destroyed it because I thought I was going to go drinking. Turns out I didn't do anything. What a waste of a day.

2009-07-17T16:09:00.005-04:00

Ate so much crap today, but it's forgiven on the basis of three things:

1. I went to the gym for an hour with Steven.
2. I LOST THREE POUNDS THIS WEEK.
3. I got an A in anthropology AND orgo lab!

This has been a really good day. I'm going to allow myself to eat sh!t. Tomorrow, I will resume my diet. I'm also going to the library to REALLY study for the MCAT. Forrealz.

2009-07-16T21:37:00.003-04:00

box of strawberries - 213
bits and pieces of things at Whole Foods Market - 70
chocolate chip cookie - 160
peanut butter cookie - 130

total: 573 calories

I walked to and from school, too! IDK if this is right, because the two cookies I got from Whole Foods were HUGE. I'm thinking the chocolate chip cookie has to be at least 360, and the peanut butter one 400, so my personal guestimate would be 1043 calories. I'd rather overestimate rather than underestimate fo sho. I was really mad I passed the bakery; I could have eaten a LOT of chicken for that many calories in return. Whyy do I always go crazy whenever I see baked goods? Why do I always think of instant gratification rather than long-term success?

I didn't make it to the gym today, either. I knew it. If I don't go early in the afternoon, then I lose all motivation to go at all. But no fear! Steven and I are planning a gym date tomorrow morning, so I cannot wait to run and elliptical and do crunches and throw weights around! I'm gonna be firm before Arrrruba.

I tried to make a vegan, no-bake brownie for my friend's birthday. Suffice to say, I need to throw it out. There goes $13 down the drain. HDU waste my money, Internet vegans.

2009-07-15T21:04:00.003-04:00

TUESDAY:

Did well, until Dee-ahn picked me up for a chill-out session. That entailed a bunch of crap eating. NOOOO. But I went to the gym earlier, so it was slightly mitigated.

TODAY:

tub of watermelon - 650
chicken and vegetables - 200
one frosted cookie - 280

total - 1130

Damn you, cookie! No, damn you MCAT class! I had done so well, and then a cookie undid today's work. But I'm not feeling too horrible because my calorie intake wasn't too high. And I did spend five hours bustling and standing around in lab today as well as walked to and fro school.

Now that I clocked in, I think I'm going to go find my ring, take a shower, and do something.

2009-07-13T22:27:00.004-04:00

Four sauteed chicken tenderloins - 260
Fried tofu - 360
Eight strawberries - 56
Three mini-chocolate bars - 126

Total: 802 calories.

Gym time - 1 hour.

-

Renewed dedication to my food journal starting... now. I need to be de-larded ASAP. The weekend was so gluttonous it wasn't even funny. I ate everything from homemade pho to eggrolls and ohmygod, so much ice cream. Things jiggle moreso than usual. I weighed myself, and I was surprised that my weight wasn't higher. Nonetheless, I'm the heaviest I've ever been, which is no good. I'm cheap, and I refuse to buy new pants, so it's either lose weight or pass out from girdle asphyxiation.

I'm in the middle of cleaning my apartment, and I never realized just how much busywork there is. To my roommates: I am so sorry I was ever a lazy bum. I am reneweing my efforts to be a cleaner person next year.

Up next: vacuuming, reorganizing the apartment, and scrubbing the bath tub. Why can't I be like this when I'm at home?

2009-07-08T17:39:00.003-04:00

I reformatted my iPod last night until 11 pm, but it was worth it. I think I'm going to use this journal to chronicle my weight loss. It feels like such a waste to regurgitate my life when I'm already doing it over at lj.

So! The rules for the weight loss journal are as follows:

1. put in a post everyday. idgaf if it's inane and boring. If you want to read about my life, head on over here. I decided to make all my posts public because there is really no point in keeping anything a "secret" beside my SSN and all that junk; you'd have to be braindead to hand over that sort of info online. Beside, nothing on the internet is a secret.

That's all I can think of at the moment. LOL. Anyway. We'll go ahead and disregard the first six posts, since I can't be bothered to dick around with my blog. Here it goes!

--

DAY 1:

Everything is going fantastically well, except for that fact that I finished off the leftover junk food. It's disgusting, and I feel sick now, but I needed to get rid of it. Damn you, chocolate craving. I read somewhere it takes 21 days to get rid of a craving, and I wholeheartedly believe it. I haven't eaten cheese since Christina and Hannah left, and I don't crave it anymore! Hurray!

I exercise in the morning now. I run for an hour and lift weights/do crunches for another half. I am aching and sore everywhere, but it's the good kind of ache. Afterwards, I ate whole-grain pasta, which was SOOO GOOD ASD;FIAJSDFOj. But I don't plan on making it for a while because 1. I ran out of carbs, and 2. it makes me crave sweet things.

I also ran out of water and have resorted to boiling tap water for my H2O kick. I am dying from thirst here; I drink eight bottles a day, and to be reduced to four or five cups? Ugh.

This weekend, I hope to keep up with the exercising. And since there is no more junk food, hopefully I won't be tempted. I want to lose weight, but my goal is to get rid of the craving first.

GOAL FOR THE WEEK: stay away from sweet crap.

2009-07-01T17:38:00.001-04:00

All right.

Who got me sick?

2009-06-27T10:31:00.002-04:00

My weight couldn't win in a time vs. alcohol contest.

2009-06-19T12:48:00.002-04:00

Goal: lose 30 pounds.

I failed and had eight Starbursts. Yesterday they were filling--today they were not. I'm so glad I brought them home for my little sister and brother to eat.

I'm going to do this because I'm unhappy with my body. I'm always unsatisfied, but I'm especially filled with rage now because I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I don't need to step on a scale because the consequences are physical and devastating (to me). I wish I had a fast metabolism.

Now: working on organic chemistry. WHY DO YOU HAUNT ME SO. I am chewing gum and drinking water like there's no tomorrow. I must expel expel expel. Maybe I'll undergo a salt flush or something, since I'll finally be near a bathroom, lol.

Tomorrow: hot yoga. I'm super excited. And then birthday party where I engage in some face-painting excitement. Afterwards, some MCAT business, if I don't pass out first. I might even try to review the first nine sessions, aka the first half of MCAT class. I don't come prepared at all, and I realized just how much more I knew if I actually did the readings. lmao.

My ear is hurting, and sometimes there is a slight shoot of pain on the left side of my head. Also, my throat is kind of sensitive. I'm freaking out because I don't want to pull a Natasha Richardson. I think this warrants for extra hand-washing after ever orgo lab now.

2009-06-16T17:06:00.004-04:00

I'm going through a mid-mid-life crisis.

I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I'm on a path now, but is it the right one? There's no such thing as the perfect profession; otherwise, I'd major in procrastination with a minor in bs. But if I'm going to be spending the next thirty, forty years of my life devoted to a career, it should be worth the ache and pain and piles of debt, right?

It's so hard to think of myself as a third year now and (according to my mom's theory) a med school student two years from now. She consistently assures me that I could be whatever I wanted, but it doesn't really help much. It's a tough decision, and I would rather someone tell me what to do, show me which field of work would suit me best, but at the end of the day, it's my own decision. I don't know how helpful the career people at Bryant Hall will be, because I'm not looking for someone to coddle me and go, "You'll succeed in anything you choose to be!!" At the same time, I'm not looking for, "Suck it up, you baby." I really don't know how to pinpoint what makes a good career advisor, but I do know that 90% of the "advisors" I see inevitably disappoint me.

I had a huge row with my parents a couple of days ago. I wanted to change my major, be something that would be more exciting and capture my undivided attention. Being a chemistry major is dismal, not because the subject is boring, but because I'm not making the most out of it. It disheartens me that even after two years into my chemistry degree, I can barely remember how to do MaVa = MbVb. There were two reasons for pursuing a B.A. in chemistry: 1. I had taken the AP class in senior year of high school, so the information was fresh, and 2. it would be helpful to my then-chosen career as a pharmacist.

Obviously, things have changed. Plans have changed. My knowledge of AP chemistry is no longer new, and I'm giving serious thought about becoming a pathologist. Biology would be a great alternative, but then I would be the same as 60% of the pre-med people here. I wouldn't stand out from the rest of the applications.

I thought about how my parents were wasting four years' worth of money for a pretty, little degree that won't mean much once I got out of undergrad, and it pretty much cut my self-confidence in half. If I'm going to be spending $36,000 at UVA, I'd damn well better learn something, but it seems like the more I delve into the hard sciences, the less cultured I become. I just feel more inclined towards the humanities and what they have to offer.

Whatever it is, I know I have to do it now. Once the future of med school becomes the present, I'm done. The next twelve years will be gone, devoted to studying, and then the next ten years after that will consist of working and paying off bills and taking care of my children in the suburbs. Which is fine and all, but I'm not ready to settle down yet, and I have the feeling that if I never live these crazy-exhilarating-mind-numbing experiences now, then I might never get to.

2009-06-14T20:31:00.001-04:00

my face when I saw the orgo lab write-up instructions:

2009-06-14T16:24:00.002-04:00

I have the biggest urge to drop all my classes and write a story.

The goal is to stuff as many cliches as possible into the thing. I even got my cousins and little sister to help by demanding they generate a list of ideas. My little sister immediately started spurting out plotlines from Degrassi, and I was like, "Oh, hex no! You best be giving me better stereotypes than that!" It was a pretty fun bonding experience for the family, lmfao.

I'm sick of seeing the same romantic plotline over and over again, whether it's in pen or film. THERE IS NO NEED FOR A TAGLINE THAT ASKS WHO WILL END UP TOGETHER OKAY. Chances are, it will end in a very formulaic way a la everyone gets together and makes beautiful babies. It's a lot easier for me to avoid chick flicks, though, because I mean... I have to pay. If I'm going to fork over $10 for two and a half hours of my life, I'd better be soiling my pants by the time the credits start to roll.

I think a big chunk of this irritation stems from this weekend, when I had nothing to do (besides study for MCAT) and decided to flip through online comics to pass the time. I used to be a hardcore anime nerd in high school, so I was like, "Why not, just for old time's sakes."

Never again.

No sentence can succinctly describe the blinding rage I felt as I jumped from comic to comic, looking at several chapters before clicking out in disgust. Maybe it's my sorority rubbing off me, but what the flip at the heroines being so spineless. I couldn't go through a couple of pages without seeing a pair of alienoid eyes pooling up with tears. Not to mention they were all pandering after their crushes like lovesick puppies. I understand that love can be irrational, but it was pretty much self-degradation by that point.

I don't understand why the artists for the stories have to make the heroines shy and placating. I guess it's because I didn't grow up in an environment where female stereotypes were constantly being pushed into my head, but it just frustrates me when I read something with blatant misogyny, and the story doesn't do anything about it. Newsflash: you can have a backbone AND find a guy.

On a similar vein, I get really annoyed when comedians bash guys for being idiots and laud women as perfection. idk I think I've become more aware of gender roles after my anthropology class, lol.

I'll admit, though, it was a pretty nostalgic experience. I miss the days when Jamie and I would just hole ourselves up in my bedroom and chat forever.